(no subject)

[chess]

I went to see the College Counsellor today, on the advice of a couple of people who said I ought to look at professional help for my depression-like symptoms. (For reference, today I woke up at 10am and got out of bed at 1pm.)

The College Counsellor asked me a few things, then asked me whether I was really bothered about not getting good marks. I answered 'no', because I'm not. She then asked me if everything was flat and I didn't feel anything. I answered 'no', because actually I'm quite happy most of the time, and it definitely isn't the same everything-is-grey-and-covered-in-spiderwebs (the spiderwebs add just that bit more effort to getting anywhere, or breathing) feeling that I get now and then which I think she was referring to. She then told me that if I wasn't actually personally bothered with getting that 2.1, and not wearing myself out working for it would make me happier, then I should not work for it. She persisted in this opinion even when I said that if I didn't have people telling me that certain things were unhealthy to do I would probably lie in bed all day, occasionally getting to the computer to spod, until everyone stopped feeding me and I died.

If anyone sees some motivation lying around brutally murdered, that would be the remains of mine, then. Do give it a decent burial, I think I might miss it.

Comments

[psychobabes.livejournal.com]

*cuddles*

From someone who sometimes feels something similar to what you might be going through ... I've found in the past that a little bit of drug abuse can sometimes kick me out of it. By drug abuse I just mean, getting someone to leave you a can of red bull by your bed. When you wake up, down the can, then indulge in mars bars and crisps and before you know it you'll be bouncing around for the afternoon. Which can sometimes result in either feeling a lot happier or being creative and occasionally productiveness. I'm sure a lot of people would advise against a caffeine and sugar induced high. But it's helped me in the past. And i'm always willing to drop such delights off to your bedside if need be ...

[chess]

Apparently caffiene will cause the oesophagus-devouring monster that lives in my stomach great joy and cause it to rise up and do more cumulative damage to my throat lining, so no caffiene for me.

[ahsu.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Is the counselor assuming it's not depression, then? Because it still sounds like it to me.

As for the 2.1, it sounds as though you aren't directly upset about whether you get good marks, but you've been convinced that you ought to be upset if you don't get them. So you're guilting yourself for not getting them and for not being motivated to get them.

Sounds to me as though you need to go back to the counselor and do some discussing of what you're actually after here. If you're after a career that is going to require you to have the marks, then you need to figure out what it will take to get you up and moving. If that's not what you want, then the counselor may very well be right, that it's not worth torturing yourself to get something that isn't relevant to what you want anyway. As a matter of fact, you might spend some time asking yourself whether you're in the right program in the first place (I don't know how easy it is to change programs there -- it's reasonably easy in the States.)

At any rate, I definitely think some more digging is indicated here.

Oh, and by the way, when was the last time you had a really thorough physical? If low energy is the problem, then you need to be checked for thyroid, anaemia, and chronic fatigue syndrome, and maybe try taking B complex vitamins. Sometimes a physical problem expresses itself in ways that look like emotional problems; go see a doctor and explain what the trouble is, and see if you can get tested. If you want, I'll ask my doc what tests they did on me -- I got pretty thoroughly investigated.

[chess]

I don't know what I'm actually after, this is one of the problems :). All I require from my career is that it provide enough money to feed and house me. I would like, on top of this, either that I have enough free time to do 'good things', or I earn an awful lot of money which I can donate to 'good causes'. The other preferences I have just relate to things I Can't Do, like 'I can't have a job which requires me to stand up for long periods of time' and 'I will generally not be the right person for anything which involves physical dexterity or strength'.

I *know* that I am not in the right subject, but it's basically impossible to change courses at this stage, especially because it has to be done through my DoS and my DoS believe it's impossible to change courses at this stage and has nothing but derision for other courses anyway.

The NHS doesn't really do 'really thorough physical's: I had one blood test back when I was first hunting around for why I was tired all the time, which returned 'we don't know what the hell is wrong with you, go away'. Since then, I've got a bit better through getting an ENT specialist as a GP once who finally worked out what the huge cough (written off by everyone else as 'habitual', shorthand for 'we don't know what's causing it so it must be your fault') was and gave me some medicine which almost controls it, and now I'm down as my tiredness being a result of not quite controlled throat uckyness which they can't do anything better for and Asperger's Syndrome. I take vastly over-comprehensive vitamin supplements (because my diet is really awful as I don't have time or energy to cook for myself) already.

Asperger Syndrome

[zebbiejohnson.livejournal.com]

At what point did you get diagnosed for this, I have occasionally wondered if I am on the spectrum myself as most of the behaviours I have that currently puts me as too socially adept to count was learned directly from a Desmond Morris book about gesture and interaction aged 12 and then tweaked as I grew up, and most of the rest fits very well.

Re: Asperger Syndrome

[chess]

I was 15, I think; definitely before my GCSEs but not long before. It gets progressively harder to get diagnosed as you get older because your coping skills will have masked the symptoms, and most of the diagnostic information comes from your parents' recollection of your early childhood, which your parents may have forgotten or idealised by now. The main non-social diagnostic critera are difficulty with fine motor control (especially handwriting) and lack of a sense of balance.

[satanicsocks.livejournal.com]

College counsellors seem to all be cut of the same jib, and all exist to generally say "look, just because everyone seems to be striving to push themselves to insanity in reaching certain grades doesn't mean you have to"; that seems very similar to what one told a friend of mine, anyway :)

You can go and see the University counselling service if you want a further opinion, perhaps?

[dr-vannacutt.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Please dont die.

You push your self too hard. I know im a lazy bastard who whould rather not do anything. And im always telling you to relax but i know you have the tallent, skill and inteligence for this.

Its your genius let them have it in the quantitys you like.


Take care of your self. Dont let anyone push you around.