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I went to see the College Counsellor today, on the advice of a couple of people who said I ought to look at professional help for my depression-like symptoms. (For reference, today I woke up at 10am and got out of bed at 1pm.)

The College Counsellor asked me a few things, then asked me whether I was really bothered about not getting good marks. I answered 'no', because I'm not. She then asked me if everything was flat and I didn't feel anything. I answered 'no', because actually I'm quite happy most of the time, and it definitely isn't the same everything-is-grey-and-covered-in-spiderwebs (the spiderwebs add just that bit more effort to getting anywhere, or breathing) feeling that I get now and then which I think she was referring to. She then told me that if I wasn't actually personally bothered with getting that 2.1, and not wearing myself out working for it would make me happier, then I should not work for it. She persisted in this opinion even when I said that if I didn't have people telling me that certain things were unhealthy to do I would probably lie in bed all day, occasionally getting to the computer to spod, until everyone stopped feeding me and I died.

If anyone sees some motivation lying around brutally murdered, that would be the remains of mine, then. Do give it a decent burial, I think I might miss it.
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Michelle Taylor

January 2025

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