chess | Although I like failing to announce things, I do need some help.

tienelle and I would like to get married, preferably next summer. My mother informs me that I don't have the first clue about how much organisation and pain this is going to take and that I should start faffing now. The vague plan is that we'll have the service in Churchill Chapel and then get the Churchill conference people to do catering for the reception, then we'll have a party in the evening for people who want to avoid the family / don't fit in the church.

I know there are quite a lot of people doing the wedding dance right now, so I thought I'd ask for some advice as to where to start / what needs doing on what timescale...

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Don't ask me, my planning is going horribly wrong. ;-)

Go and talk to Churchill as soon as possible. Is there a dean in charge of the chapel? Talk to him first. Say why you want to get married there. You have no right to, you'll have to apply for a special license from the archbishop, better done sooner than later.

Check you have enough money for dinner (they'll charge you conference prices probably, and that's 30 quid a head+wine) Talk to C+C, get the hall booked

Where are you thinking of having the party? Another churchill room? In which case mention it when you book the dinner. If you want it somewhere else start looking now...

Venues are the hardest bit. There are very few places to get married / have parties. There are *100*s of wedding dresses / florists / service sheet printers etc.

That's true, but other things have a long lead time. There are lots of guides online or in books, magazines etc. with suggested timescales in, it pays to look around. (Though we ended up looking at the printed planners and laughing, having less than 6 months to do it all)

plus Congratulations Chess.

Congratulations and good luck planning it :-)

(I'm not intending to do the wedding dance, ever, but it's nice to see others do it.)

well, congratulations in advance.

congratulations! I hope I can make it!

Wow! Congratulations to you both!

Firstly, congratulations (again). Secondly; talk to Churchill *now*. Sure, you might not have to do it now, but better finding that out now than that it's too late later.

It seems like you know what you want, which is good.

We've found Confetti vaguely helpful; ymmv. Anyway,get the vague structure (places and dates and so on) sorted as early as possible, seems to be a generally good idea, and that's what our priest said, too. then you can worry about smaller details, such as what you're going to eat and who's going to play music, and stuff.

If you want a traditional white wedding dress,youprobably wanty to start looking about 7 months in advance, otherwise youcan leave it until much later.

You should start faffing now, at the absolute latest.

Isn't that what

tienelle is for?

He should probably start faffing now too.

Congratulations! That is wonderful and very cool and stuff and incredibly yaysqueebounce.

I know diddly-squat about organising weddings, but I did want to comment to express my squeefulness! :D :D :D

*bouncebouncebounce*

Oooh. congratulations!

(And I also feel compelled to mention the wonderful incongruity of thinking "who is this person she's panning to marry", clicking on his userinfo, and realising that he is (presumably) someone who I (vaguely) know (from my days on Usenet). Yes, I'm slow sometimes.)

Much happiness to the pair of you.

Since I haven't had the chance to say so already (I found out the other week), Congratulations!

I'm afraid I don't know anything about planning weddings, though. I guess a session deciding exactly what you want out of it might be in order (e.g. if you've always dreamed of a long white dress, talk through it to see what you need to do to make it happen)?

In a vague attempt to be useful, I will point you in the direction of this list which seems to have been of use in the past. Knowing nothing further, I will then desist trying to be useful.

Errrrr....I probably didn't mean that.

Congratulations (again) and good luck with the wedding planning. We had our reception at Christ's and they were not only good and helpful, but cheaper than your average hotel :)

Felicitations! And other happy wishes.

My advice? Elope. If you think you can get away with it. I'd probably do that if I was getting married again. The big church wedding wasn't worth the fuss.

But I doubt you'll really want to do that. So ... get the place nailed down as soon as possible. I don't know what it's like there, but in the States you are lucky to get something six months in advance; in some places it's a year.

Someone already said this, but if you want the white wedding, you'll have to order a gown well in advance. And make sure you're sitting down when they tell you the price.

This is a detail, and not necessary, but it may leave you with more friends when you're finished. Be kind to your bridesmaids. If you're having any. Include them in the selection of dresses and try not to stick them with expensive monstrosities that they will never wear again. Your maid of honor (again assuming that you have one) is going to be your best resource; be sure not to overburden her and make sure you thank her, frequently.

Don't get too hung up on having the perfect wedding. Mistakes and disasters may happen, but hey, it's a marriage -- nothing is perfect. So be relaxed and let the little stuff slide.

And have fun! Don't be afraid to break convention if convention isn't what you want.

Congratulations!!!

You need to work out how much money you can spend. Then go to Churchill asap (pref last year) and get their details and book your chapel, reception venue (considering stuff like "will we have music etc" "do we want just one room" "are we feeding people, and if so who and what") and evening party stuff, and caterers as soon as poss.

I've found wedding dress shops in Cambs hugely pricey and few on the ground, I went to my parents home for mine.

After that I suggest you get "the modern girls guide to getting hitched" and poss another wedding planning book from Borders, and lock yourselves in a room for a weekend to establish guest list, formality, clothing for each of you, ushers/bridesmaids (if you are doing all that thing), entertainments, if you want anything special at the service, registery requirements.

Then you can sort all that out, and consider photography, stuff like cars (you shouldnt need that if it is all in churchill), getting banns read (if required - has to be at both of your parishes), also details like decorations, cake, gift list, invite stationery, if you want to do stuff like favours etc.

Then you go round all of the above things two or three times to 1) get quotes 2) book 3) confirm bookings and pay nearer the time

You'll also be needing to think about honeymoon and what you plan to do re: house or whatever after you are married, though you may be sorted for that already.

And most importantly of all, you need to do all of the above without losing sight of the fact that the wedding is only one day but its the start of a marriage for the rest of your lives, and take all the time that requires to get used to and discuss etc etc. :-)

Hope that helps...

I'll add my congratulations. Jen and I got engaged this time last year to get married this summer - and it was almost not early enough.

As has been said repeatedly (they are all right) organising the church and reception venue are the hardest two parts; all the more so because they need to both be coordinated to the same day. Many of the places we were looking at (including Trinity Hall) were booked more than a year and a half in advance. Churches especially important because you have less choice. If you can (and are happy) being married in Churchill Chapel that will help a lot. If you are going for a C of E church it must be in one of your parishes. Finding out after organising a venue that the church is unavailable sucks.

After booking those two you can relax a bit. Theres a lot to do, but most of it is not as urgent. Wedding dress takes at least 6 months, honeymoon (if you are going abroad) and invites (people book up quickly) you want to do 4 or 5 months ahead.

Lastly, sit down and work out a budget, and get actual quotes. Everything will cost more than you expect!

I hope you both manage to get things done in good time and workign on it strengthens your relationship rather than causing dispute. Some people say organising the wedding is there as a test to make sure you can cope with the rest of married life!

God bless,

Matthew Johnson

Dresses only take 6 months if you care 6 months worth... if it's being made 6 months is probably about right but if you're going to go to John Lewis and buy something then it might take you half an hour (to find out if it fits)... all depends on care levels. As with all things if you want it 'just so' leave aaaages, if you couldn't give a toss then go buy something cheap a week before, or don't bother... You probably *do* want a venue though... and everything seems to be booked 'till the next millenium when you just have to find 2 or 3 venues on the same day (even harder if you have strong opinions about the day or if your honneymoon plans involve enforced day/date selection) summer is popular for weddings, I used to bell ring for them and there was one most weekends all summer, some days there were 2 one after the other! And unless you fancy getting married at 8am in the registry office on a Tuesday in November... I suggest you book now.

College chapels don't do banns - you have to get a special license. Father Ian recommended we applied for ours a year in advance to be safe. This is something you'd have to talk to the person who's marrying you about. (If you're not babptised CofE then getting a special license is very hard / might be impossible, so if this is the case sort it out Really Soon)

Congratz :)

Not much useful content, but congratulations (again :-)

Firstly: Congratulations!

Secondly, having done it, I think I can offer some (possibly) useful advice. So here are 5 things I'm glad I did, or wish I had done:

Really book any venues as soon as possible (people have said this, but it is crucial)
Before discussing logistics with other people, make sure both of you know what things the other one of you wants lots or would hate.
Don't believe that weddings have to cost a fortune; mine and senji's was about 1.5k in total, and most of that was the alcohol my father brought that we were still drinking this year...
Do, however, be clear what things you want to spend money on and what things you care about less.
Do not let well-meaning people tell you what to do, unless what you actually want is to try and make them happy by letting them organise your wedding. It is your wedding; do it your way.

Wow, congrats!

As others haev said, now's the time to plan - a few days spent planning now wil lsave weeks closer to the time.

If you get your venues and officiant booked now, you can relax about everything else - at least you'll know you have somewhere to go and someone to marry you!

Well done again, and good luck.

Eeep, wow! No I have no help whatsoever, but you knew that. Much congrats tho! I probably shoudn't be as suprised as I am.

Congratulations! I am inexperienced in such matters, but I wish you both best of luck with the preparations. :)

Congratulations, guys!

Sorry I didn't notice you'd friended me - I'll friend you back now :)

Eeee! Congratulations! :D

1stly is IEC lead on the wedding list?

2nd Congratulations

3rd Im getting married in under a year now and we are aiming to do it for under 1000 quid and it is possible: mens suits arent bad from tesco as a tip at 36quid, the party is a large expence, buffy nibbles are cheap tho, a great honeymoon would be a week just outside brighton - first week of august

4thly it can easily be planned in less than a year - all depends how much time you want to spend every day planning and sorting for it tho

hope that helps

Mega congratulations! I don't have any useful advice, except that you can buy books on how to organise weddings - maybe that'd have a checklist and a series of deadlines?

IME mothers often have a lot of experience with life in general but it's a rough ride - 50% of the time they have advice you agree with, 10% of the time they give you wrong advice which you disagree with, but the awkward bit is the 40% they say which is right but you don't want to hear! It can lead to frayed nerves, especially if they're bankrolling your whole lifestyle...

Yay!

I probably ought to give you John's (chaplain) contact details and stuff. I don't think they are booked up that far in advance due to not being big chapely chapel.

Hmm, I'm incoherent today. Reception setting? Don't know how useful Churchill would be as one of those.

*bounce, anyway*

Did I not tell you people would like to know (I discovered they were engaged by spotting the ring on Michelle's finger and asking if an announcement would have been appropriate)?

Oh, I found out when she replied something like "me too" to a wedding comment aaaages ago. Some people! What's the point of an LJ that tells you what she's had for breakfast but not that she's engaged for 6 months? ;)

Exactly!

Bad Michelle, don't do it again. Umm, not that that's going to be hard in the specific case ... Doh.

Congratulations!

(I know nothing about weddings, so that's about all I can offer...)

Congratulations.

If you want ideas on stuff to help plan it, M-A seemed to quite successfully use ToothyWiki:

http://www.toothycat.net/wiki/wiki.pl?id=M-A/WeddingPlanning&action=browse&revision=31

Douglas

Belatedly, congratulations - I've been sticking to

nhw these days but thought I should give

neil_beren an outing as well.

When we got married in Clare chapel in 1993, I had to go to London to swear at the Archbishop of Canterbury's representative in order to get a special licence. Does that still apply?

It would if Churchill Chapel was a proper college chapel and/or C of E, but as it is neither, we can get away with just having a civil licence.

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