(no subject)

I missed *one* day and I was back at *skip 100*. This is bad. I spent over two hours just solidly reading LJ. So I've taken all the communities I was watching off, except radicals despite the fact I never read that either.

As I walked home this evening I sang a little song. It was about how I was under observation because I was insane, and that's why they were watching me, but I didn't know what sane was, so I didn't know how to act sane. It was also about cheese food slices, and how my shoes like to eat them, and how my shoes might be intelligent, and how cheese food slices slice through your brain like molten wax. It was a very strange little song.

But when I walked past someone, I had to sing a song that was someone else's. (I started singing Bird of Prey, which is hardly less weird, but at least is an actual song rather than something I was just making up.) Because I'm not allowed to be weird - I'm not allowed to be myself. Apparently it's bad and wrong. I mean, there are things which are myself which *are* bad and wrong and I avoid them, but apparently all of the weird things are.

I can't find the motivation to do anything. I have a set of Bible study notes, but I can't settle to them - and anyway, I do them too quickly; my brain lifts out the obvious answers and then itches to move on. It's okay in church but I've been working with the kids, which is the easy way out. I'm doing hardly any schoolwork; I just sit there in lessons, and no-one seems to be setting us homework at the moment. I feel like I have a big heavy grey blanket over my head, and I'm walking around and doing things through this blanket.

Sunday evening we went to a Supergrass concert. It was a very good concert. It made me like their new album which I didn't like before, and I enjoyed it even though I wasn't really in the right mood for Supergrass. They had a very pretty light-show. The crowd that were standing up below (we were sitting in the balcony) were very amusing. When we looked down as we were going out they had trashed the place with plastic glasses and plastic bottles of Smirnoff Ice (I heard someone exclaiming about the latter as we were walking back to the car, past the people selling t-shirts and hoodies). There was a car stuck in all the people as we came out. It probably wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Maybe I should post this entry and start another, before I feel the need to LJ-cut it. That way I can spam you all evening and fill up your LJ friendspages too. But I'll probably lose my motivation for even writing whiny and slightly disjointed LJ entries and go play Neopets or something equally meaningless.

(no subject)

./~ The sky goes on and on for you and me ~\.

The only way to solve the congestion problem entirely is to put the entire population into a black hole. There will be no-one to use cars hence much less car use. There will be no demand for goods so there will be no demand for goods transport. And if we do it carefully we can research possible solutions to the teleportation problem at the same time, because the second-best way to solve the congestion problem is to discover instantaneous matter transportation (which can be done from a small carryable unit, so that there isn't congestion to and from terminals).

Then I had to explain to the class what a black hole does to you when you're put in, which I only have a sketchy, New Scientist type knowledge of anyway. And Emma insisted that she didn't think it was funny. Personally, today was one of those days where the complicated death of large quantities of people seems highly amusing, or at least better than facing an endless succession of such days.

./~ I must have been blind
To carry a torch
For most of my life ~\.

The school's motto is 'we carry the torch of life'. I'm not drowning, I'm just floating. Downstream. Towards a waterfall. With rocks in.

I do not like the colour red. It's not that I actively dislike it, it's just that I don't like it. I prefer to wear colours other than red. I prefer to set my colours on computers up with colours other than red. I don't mind dark red as much as I do bright reds. I also do not like the colour orange. Yellow is not a particular favourite either. The colours I like start at deep/dark reds (blood reds) and end at peppermint greens. I like blue. I don't know why I am telling you about colours. I just have to do something, or I really will be insane. And that would be a terrible waste of someting. What, I'm not sure.

How do you spell terrific?

./~ I turn sideways to the sun
And in a moment I am gone ~\.

I appear to be doing NaNoWriMo. I'm not entirely sure why. It's not as if I have excessive quantities of motivation to go round, and I suspect I'll use it all up on NaNo and not use it for the supposedly important things, like schoolwork and interviews, and they'll mop up anything that's left leaving me no motivation whatsoever for anything important/useful/nonpointless. I feel like starting early just to make it even more viciously pointless and stupid. I'm busy destroying myself every other way - why not kill this off too?

!yay for dying on frame advance.

(no subject)

Now, who does this remind you of today?

I was going to quote some lyrics from the above, but finding myself wanting to quote most of the song, I decided to link instead, as the site doesn't seem to be too evil, which is nice of it.

My mother has a 1386608 whatever-units-POP-uses long message. This is Big. This is not something that OE and Norton want to download for me. It also looks reasonably important. Kas isn't talking to Yamsyn. I am not doing well on the computer front.