(no subject)

[chess]

I feel a little irritated that I didn't get to the LJ picnic today, but on the other hand my dissertation did need some love. It is still an anemic 5.2k words, but that's rather better than it was this morning.

Yesterday, amongst failing to do work, I went on a nightbash with TT, which was fantastic. Mostly because I desperately needed to get out in the fresh air and run around a bit.

I have a counselling appointment tomorrow, but I feel something of a fraud as my 'depression' appears to be basically entirely the fault of my project and exam doom and job worries rather than anything more fundamental, given how it lifts when I make progress and when I get out of the working context. Also, I probably should be spending the time working on my dissertation. But I feel guilty about cancelling at short notice, even though I suspect it will just be wasted, frustrating time on both sides. (I don't get on with counselling anyway; counsellors in my experience are all intensely social people who expect responses from me that it's quite exhausting to either give or explain the absence of.)

Comments

[omniscient-fool.livejournal.com]

Hi Chess, hope it all went well today and you managed to get something out of the session. Just wanted to say (although you probably realise this already) if you do decide to try medication not to do it now! Most anti-depressants take 2-4 weeks to start lifting your mood so would be too late to help you through the exam period. On the other hand any side effects (which it sounds like you might have to expect) and the general crappiness of your body adjusting to the meds would hit you right in time to totally screw things up. It shows real strength of character that you're trying to sort yourself out without meds, but do remember that if you do need them, it doesn't have to be a permanent thing. In most cases (if you have a responsible doctor) meds are only used to help break the cycle of depression and give yourself a window in which to make changes to your behaviour, address issues etc with the help of therapy or counselling so that you can be ok again when you come off the meds. And btw you are in no way a fraud. This is exactly what UCS are there for.