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I feel like I'm not posting enough, but on the other hand I feel like there's nothing to say.
Maybe I should be truthful:
1) I'm not making it to lectures about half of all mornings, instead sitting in my room and spodding mindlessly because I don't have the mental energy to do anything else.
2) I haven't got a project sorted out, although I have now managed to extract a meeting from my DoS, 2pm tomorrow, so hopefully I'll be able to salvage something (and spend all Thursday afternoon writing up a proposal).
3) My room is a complete pit, in which I have lost my engagement ring, a front door key to Oblivion and Nicholas' gloves, and I haven't washed my hair for rather too long.
Other than that I have been going through the motions of living, especially making up characters for and attending role-playing games, because then I can pretend that I'm someone else and don't have all of this doom hanging over me.
I can't help but feel that I am on the wrong course, but I'm not sure any other course would really be any better at this level; I want to Have Things To Do and to Do Things, but it appears that I can't do that without working 9 till 5, and we all saw how well I coped with that over the summer (hint: not very - I could survive but only if I did nothing in the evenings and basically became a working automaton).
I keep coming up with plans to make things better and then sabotaging them so I can spend more time basically sitting and staring at the wall.
I think I am mostly a burden to my friends.
Maybe I should be truthful:
1) I'm not making it to lectures about half of all mornings, instead sitting in my room and spodding mindlessly because I don't have the mental energy to do anything else.
2) I haven't got a project sorted out, although I have now managed to extract a meeting from my DoS, 2pm tomorrow, so hopefully I'll be able to salvage something (and spend all Thursday afternoon writing up a proposal).
3) My room is a complete pit, in which I have lost my engagement ring, a front door key to Oblivion and Nicholas' gloves, and I haven't washed my hair for rather too long.
Other than that I have been going through the motions of living, especially making up characters for and attending role-playing games, because then I can pretend that I'm someone else and don't have all of this doom hanging over me.
I can't help but feel that I am on the wrong course, but I'm not sure any other course would really be any better at this level; I want to Have Things To Do and to Do Things, but it appears that I can't do that without working 9 till 5, and we all saw how well I coped with that over the summer (hint: not very - I could survive but only if I did nothing in the evenings and basically became a working automaton).
I keep coming up with plans to make things better and then sabotaging them so I can spend more time basically sitting and staring at the wall.
I think I am mostly a burden to my friends.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-18 06:19 pm (UTC)From: