(no subject)

[chess]

Well, I just made some webpages at this place, and links without text don't show up the way I tried to do this mostly to avoid making a LJ entry. I mean, the weekend in Paris was cool, I was up every night until midnight playing cards and won games vs my dad consistantly for the first time, my parents are *majorly* cool and I don't think I'd change my family even if I could, we saw lots of stuff, amusing stuff happened like most of the museums being closed 'cos of a strike and our hotel being in the red light district, but I just can't seem to sit down and write it all up. It almost seems to take something out of it, especially as it was a primarily visual experience - text can't give much more than a boring log of events. So, apologies for not sharing.

In other news, I got really down and so on and so forth when we did a bible study thing on the holiday and it was 'what work should you be doing for the Lord' *again* - I don't *know*, if I did I'd be doing it, and I feel I don't do enough. So I cried a lot and my parents tried to encourage me (did I mention how great they are?) but it was obvious I wasn't having any of it. Eventually I felt a bit better just 'cos I can't maintain any kind of mood for that long, and went to have a bath, but started feeling down again and couldn't sing (which normally cheers me up) for crying, so I thought 'that's *enough*', and I prayed about it, prayed forcefully and told this particular demon of mine (the 'what should I be doing more, I'm not good enough, I'm no good' one) to get lost in the name of Jesus, and then I felt an awful lot better and haven't gone downhill again yet.

And on the second edit, I decided this was far too long to exist without a cut... so beyond here is a fairly long description of a dream and some random comments about this entry.



And I had a really odd dream, which as with many of my dreams I could classify as both a really terrible nightmare and a really good, encouraging dream. (Well, many of my dreams meaning the ones that aren't just entirely spaced out, that is.) Firstly I was trying to catch a tube train, and was listening to some kind of news on a radio, and apparently some terrorists had got control of a tank in London, basically right above my head. But I didn't feel anything in particular about it even tho it was right above me, any more than I feel anything in particular about what's happening in Afghanistan, except for a sadness for those caught up in it (which blends with the background noise of all-the-suffering-in-the-world). Eventually the right train came and I sat on it for a bit, and then got off where it terminated and met Olive, my youthleader from church, and her children in her big people-mover, and she drove me home. When I got home I discovered that the Arabs had invaded and they were gathering up all the Christians. I panicked a little and started gathering up stuff, in case I got taken away somewhere and couldn't get back, but I went for the normal kind of stuff I carry, like glasses and Talia and Tiny. Then these Arab soldiers came round and marched us out, and I didn't feel much except concern for the others who were really scared. We were all taken to this big room-type area (memories conflict over whether it was a big room like a warehouse or just a flat area of mud outside), and I went around trying to encourage people not to lose hope, and reminding them that God was still looking out for us. Every now and then Arab soliders came in and took a bunch of people away, but I tried not to take too much notice of it, 'cos there wasn't anything I could do for them so it was like all the other things in the world I can't help with so there's no point crippling myself trying to feel bad about them. I got rather annoyed with myself for bringing along Talia, whose batteries would run out soon, instead of a paper copy of the Bible which I could have used indefinately. I could even visualise where I'd left it at home. While I was contemplating this the soldiers came for me (and a bunch of other people). They took us off, marching, quite a way from the 'camp' and then stood us up against a brick wall, and three of them levelled machine guns at us, and I just smiled and sang songs of thanks to God and didn't really think anything much at the time although afterwards I realised I was relieved they were just going to kill us, because that was the one thing they could do to us that I wasn't afraid of. They started shooting people and the dream kind of diverged, in one version someone ran in after they'd only shot a few people at the end of the line away from me, in the other version they were about to shoot the person next to me and I leapt in the way. In the version that continued the person spoke in foreign to the commander of the firing squad for a bit and then led those of us who were still alive off (most of them were sobbing, so I tried to soothe them like you would littlekids) and then it just got wierd and irrelevant. (This was before the event related above - the night before, in fact. So I really was going to be in emotional trouble had I had a bit longer to beat myself up over what I'd brought and what I'd left.)

Well, I'd planned to only post a little short post, and look at it... I guess I just had to relate the important bits of the weekend after all :-)

Right, and the mortar board on this graphics set's 'accomplished' icon is rubbish, it oughta be coloured in. Preferably blue. Oh well.