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I just wish I knew why I felt so desperately miserable; yesterday and today. It's beautiful and sunny outside, and I want to go for a walk (because it'll make my parents happy too), but I'm afraid of going, because it will leave me alone with myself again and I'll not even have anything to distract myself from it.
Maybe I'll clean my shoes instead, from when I went walking last time in the wrong shoes (and had to come back after twenty minutes because I was just getting more and more miserable and despondant about life in general).
I'm not in any way likely to act upon it, but I would really quite like to die at the moment, because then I wouldn't have to live through any more of this misery-I-have-no-idea-of-the-cause-of.
Also, my internet is hopelessly broken (it comes back up occasionally, for about thirty seconds, then dies again), so I can't even talk to anybody, or randomly poke at websites (or even reliably check my mail). I've done some maths, but now I'm stuck, and I've distracted myself with computer games, which makes me feel better at the time, and worse afterwards. I probably need to wash my hair too, but I certainly don't have the motivation for that. Tomorrow I'll go into town and look for shoes and try not to cry too much in public.
Maybe I'll clean my shoes instead, from when I went walking last time in the wrong shoes (and had to come back after twenty minutes because I was just getting more and more miserable and despondant about life in general).
I'm not in any way likely to act upon it, but I would really quite like to die at the moment, because then I wouldn't have to live through any more of this misery-I-have-no-idea-of-the-cause-of.
Also, my internet is hopelessly broken (it comes back up occasionally, for about thirty seconds, then dies again), so I can't even talk to anybody, or randomly poke at websites (or even reliably check my mail). I've done some maths, but now I'm stuck, and I've distracted myself with computer games, which makes me feel better at the time, and worse afterwards. I probably need to wash my hair too, but I certainly don't have the motivation for that. Tomorrow I'll go into town and look for shoes and try not to cry too much in public.
