Happiness

Today, walking home, I briefly felt happy. This was, I think, a combination of having actually done something useful, and it being a moderately sane temperature again.

From this, and other experiences, I conclude that my happiness is quite heavily dependant on how useful I feel, and is also dependant on the temperature as a secondary effect (i.e. it trails off very sharply with discomfort such as lots of heat, although the problem is this also reflects in being less useful because the heat makes me stupid).

The reason I stopped feeling happy, however, is that I feel that I'm currently not on very good terms with God, and I don't really know how to go about fixing this. I've started reading Bible notes again, and went to church on Sunday, but the Bible notes have all been depressing and at church I definitely felt like I didn't belong there (I went to Eden evening service, for reference) - that I wasn't really one of God's people any longer. (The sermon was about loving each other as God's people, as well, which didn't help because it pushed one of my hot buttons - how I don't get along with other people in the way the church expects, and how the church often seems to see it as my fault that I don't get involved and get a sense of community out of it when it's also partly because they only really know how to deal with normal people.)