(no subject)

I was planning to write up XF, and started on Talia, and already have forgotten most of the chronological order of it. So after looking at the 105 emails that have somehow materialised in the XF folder despite most people being at XF and deciding to answer them later, maybe I'll just pick up on the two most important points for me now.

Point The First:

./~ Oh wow, look at us now, flowers in the window
What a lovely day, and I'm glad You feel the same
Oh, I'm in the clouds, You are one in a million
And I love You so
Let's watch the flowers grow... ~\.

At the start of the week, when we wrote a letter to God, I said 'I want to be able to truly say that I love You, Lord'.

./~ When I first heard You I was cold ~\.

Most of my struggles have been with logical things - like how more people suffering could be avoided by killing everyone, how creation was selfish, and other such statements I worked through and resolved. Then the first lot of songs of the week made me confront my major illogical problem - being utterly unable to come to terms with the cruxifiction as for me and worthwhile. The logic is unbeatable - after all, I've said myself that what I think is right and want to be the case - although don't always/often manage :-( - is that if anyone is going to be hurt, I'd rather take it than pass it on to someone else. (The logic was a lot better earlier in the week when I still had some sleep reserves.) Anyway, then there was this sketch that was done about a trial, where a person was being tried by God for their sins and would have been condemned to everlasting death then Jesus came and took the punishment for them. This kind of set my thoughts spinning a bit due to the lines where the person asked how he was meant to follow Jesus if He was dead. After all, the death that the person was meant to die was eternal, and Jesus was going up to Heaven afterwards. And then I had some really weird thoughts about the whole 'eternal perspective' thing God has, and how it *could* be eternal and transitory at the same time... and that just amazed me so much that God would do such a thing for us, for *me*, that it kind of broke down the barriers I'd been putting up to keep myself away from, well, love in general really, which had somehow managed to include God's love. And then I thought of this Travis song, Flowers In The Window, and it was just so apt. After all, God made *all* the flowers.

Point The Second:

./~ But it's alright
Just follow the light
And don't be afraid of the dark
In the moonlight
You'll dance till you fall
You'll always be here in my heart ~\.

I feel I probably have to make an entry about Marn, given that just about everyone else except me appears to have informed him that I 'fancy' him. I've been giving it some thought, and I've decided it's both more and less than that. You see, I don't particularly 'fancy' him in a normal way (hmm, what a surprise) - I just want to admire him and listen to him and watch him. I'd say it was more of a friend thing, but with friend things there isn't normally the same, I don't know - the word 'fascination' comes to mind, like with some particularly interesting puzzle or work of art. Anyway, in trying to clear this whole thing up I've probably just made everything less clear, so maybe I'll stop there.

If I ever finish reading LJ and my emails, I might post some things about the random stuff that happened.

(no subject)

Time for some more general XF-related spam, I think.

Stuff just really didn't turn out the way I thought it would. For instance, I thought I'd spend a lot more time with Hobbie than I did, and hadn't really thought about Dom at all, but ended up hanging around with him a fair amount. I did learn (or at least, remembered) quite a bit of C, but this was nowhere near the most important thing. I certainly hadn't thought things would turn out so neat - that I'd find a new perspective on God, and that I'd finish the week comfortable enough with B'weg to hug him. And I got to meet (and hug!) Princess Tryphena, which was an honour I wasn't expecting :-).

At a couple of times I felt rather miserable tho - when Hobbie got scared of me at the banquet, for instance, and then he never answered my apology email, and I'm still a bit worried about it all. And sometimes mealtimes when I'd got the wrong seat on the table and couldn't really hear any of the conversations going on.

I planned to go on more rides at Chessington this year, and ended up only going on the flume (which produced an increadibly embarrassing picture of me clinging on to Jon (the junior-team one) because I was hiding behind him to avoid getting scared/soaked (it worked - I got wetter on the bubbleworks ride (due to splashing by Dave Evans) than the flume).