(no subject)

[chess]

Am trying to rewrite the Earth-based section of my NaNoNovel, with little success. Do people who've read it (the brief look around the Neighbourhood courtesy of Jenann, and the introduction of the Dark Angels) think it needs major work, or is it okay in the style it's in? Maybe I'll start rolling out the redraft sometime; the first bits are much more polished now.

./~ Here and now, we are alone.
Time she will hold her breath.
Only the worms and angels know our names
But they have not found us
Although they surround us
I feel the distance closing.
Come along, for you and I know
We've lived through the centuries
We've ridden the darkest horses
All our lives
We hunted our enemies
We fought with a fallacy
It's time we were all God's children.
Far away, the galaxies soar,
The stars are exploding still
I wish we could fly away, fly away.
Here and now, for you and I know,
True love is deathless
These crumbling days are ending
By my side
Let's walk in the garden
We'll sleep in the ivy
We'll be with the worms and angels... ~\.