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painispretty back. (Or at least to, y'know, prove she's alive.) She hasn't posted anywhere or appeared on AIM since New Year's Eve. This makes me a worried little Chessypig.
Am a useless schmuck. Have now spent 1.5 days doing absolutely nothing. Every now and again I attempt to stare at code, but the thought of trying to deal with it properly makes me feel sick. I can't even write EvilHPFanfic today. I need to make some kind of gesture towards 'revising P4' to keep my parents happy; and reading the shiny new book they bought me for Law.
I don't even think I *want* to go to Cambridge any more. Not only do I not like the idea of having to work at things, I think I'll never get off this mountain there.
I never did post the thing about the mountains. I guess I'm just sitting here right now. Every now and again I do another burst of climbing. But I'm still on the wrong mountain. And every day it gets harder to go back down and start again.
I feel like swearing a lot. But I can't, because I'm a Good Little Chessypig. Sometimes I wish I didn't believe so wholeheartedly in God. Then I could just do what I wanted and not have to deal with this nagging feeling that I'm on the wrong mountain, that I'm going the wrong way, that I need to just let myself go and slide down, because then I can start climbing the right mountain. After all, it's a long way up, and none of us know how long we've got.
For probably the first time in my life, I am afraid of dying.
painispretty back. (Or at least to, y'know, prove she's alive.) She hasn't posted anywhere or appeared on AIM since New Year's Eve. This makes me a worried little Chessypig.Am a useless schmuck. Have now spent 1.5 days doing absolutely nothing. Every now and again I attempt to stare at code, but the thought of trying to deal with it properly makes me feel sick. I can't even write EvilHPFanfic today. I need to make some kind of gesture towards 'revising P4' to keep my parents happy; and reading the shiny new book they bought me for Law.
I don't even think I *want* to go to Cambridge any more. Not only do I not like the idea of having to work at things, I think I'll never get off this mountain there.
I never did post the thing about the mountains. I guess I'm just sitting here right now. Every now and again I do another burst of climbing. But I'm still on the wrong mountain. And every day it gets harder to go back down and start again.
I feel like swearing a lot. But I can't, because I'm a Good Little Chessypig. Sometimes I wish I didn't believe so wholeheartedly in God. Then I could just do what I wanted and not have to deal with this nagging feeling that I'm on the wrong mountain, that I'm going the wrong way, that I need to just let myself go and slide down, because then I can start climbing the right mountain. After all, it's a long way up, and none of us know how long we've got.
For probably the first time in my life, I am afraid of dying.
